I didn't go to bed until 1am last night.
I had a super fun night with my friend Cindy and her two daughters, Vanessa and Valerie, that come over to have dinner with me and my kids and my sister, Val.
We laughed until we cried, and talked about Cindy's job in Haiti, and old memories(since she has been in my life for as long as I can remember), and shared memories and random dreams about my mom.....It was so great to see the relationship between Cindy and her girls, so comfortable and real and not perfect and just.......beautiful.
Then, after they left, my sister and I got into a LONG, intense, discussion about our childhoods and the pains that we have to choose to leave behind. It was good. Kinda rough, but good, ya know?
Then Eric came home(he was hosting a Verizon event at the Laker game)
So I didn't get to bed until 1.....
and I DID NOT get up at 5 :)
Boy, now that I am used to getting up that early and having that time for myself and getting my mommy chores done, I am really a mess in the morning, if I don't have it.
I had to
throw my clothes on,
slap on some makeup,
make 3 beds,
start a load of laundry,
dress everyone else,
toss yogurts and spoons on the table,
collect and assemble lunch stuff,
double check that everyone had shoes,
pour myself and iced tea,
collect and organize backpacks,
change a diaper,
clean up a puzzle that I kept stepping on
all in a one hour period....
...then I stepped outside and it was rainy and beautiful and I felt God's eyes on me.
I felt sad about our missed time this morning. but not guilty. I really felt him telling me that it is not about what I can show him, but about what He can show me if I let Him.
I have read in books how other people have seen God "romancing them" by giving them heart shaped rocks or clouds or something and have never really even wanted a heart shaped rock for myself. But I do LOVE color. As looked around this dramatic rainy morning, exhausted from so many emotions from the day before, God's sun was lighting up the most amazing colors! Ominous greys in the clouds, golden, dancing yellows, in the mustard, deep purple in the ornamental plum across the street, piercing blue peeking out in the sky. ahhhhh! that's why those people were so into their special rocks and clouds.....God was speaking their language. Those little signs spoke to them individually....like my colors! As I looked and saw Him show me all these vibrant colors popping up everywhere, I knew he forgave me for missing our date this morning, and even started to feel a bit embarrassed at how generous He was with these personal gifts He was lavishing on me ! Holy Moly! that guy loves me!
So, I just had to share this with you in case you are stumbling around today and not looking up and around for God's special love language for you. If you stop and think, you know what it is. What do you love? God knows. He made you that way. It's between you and Him and if you look for it and are open to it, this love is all around you. I am telling you it is embarrassing! He is just waiting for us to see and understand this OVERWHELMING unconditional love that He has for us.
Today whether you feel like you've "done your part" in your relationship with Him, or not, try not making it about your failure and lack of faithfulness and focus on what HE can show you if you let Him!