mostly, i'm a frazzled "trier"

don't you ever just get this sick feeling that you are trying really hard for the wrong things?

like your intentions are possibly good.
routed in wanting to love.
but the effect of this work proves that you may be wasting your time?

so?
do you?
i do.

i get something in my head that i think needs to be done and i just can't let it go....until i make myself.

i do this about talking too much at my kids, always making the bed, thinking i should be making dinner every night,

thinking i need to teach others a lesson, thinking i deserve more than i do, wanting to be good at things that i'm not good at,

taking on more responsibility for others than is mine, thinking i need to be friendlier,

thinking i need to teach my kids to be better behaved.....

I'm sure there's more, but that's what first comes to mind.
and while none of these things are wrong, if put too high on my priority list, they can be very hurtful to my family and even to myself.

it can make me a frazzled "trier" instead of the peaceful, thankful woman i want to be.

i read this post today and it really made me think twice about how i've been parenting.
sometimes forgetting that i need to personalize my approach for each kid.

sometimes getting caught up in managing my very energetic crew and forgetting to be still with them.

trying to keep up with their energy, but not at the cost of running us all ragged.
with this all in mind, i have been trying to say no to more "activities" so that i can really just look at my kids and be still with them.

have a "snack bar", read a story, snuggle til 8:30am, brush hair, spray each other with the hose.
you know, the little stuff.

don't get me wrong, i do love a good list of ideas, but let's not get too caught up in it now people!

tomorrow we have nothing going on.

and that is just what we need, i think.

life

well, i've been caught up in life these days.
this time of year usually takes on a life of it's own and all i can think about is getting from place to place.
and i dream of a slower pace of life in a big breezy house with a wrap around porch and a tree with a swing.
and lazy summer days just rocking on a chair and watching my kids run in the sprinklers.
but.
that's just a dream
and i have to decide to want what i have.
and so i do.
what i have isn't so bad.
but these busy, pre-summer days try to make me think otherwise.
one thing i have been doing is looking back as often as possible at my snapshots that i take each day.
maybe as a way to remember?
maybe as a way to prove to myself that i did something besides get frustrated and snap at my sweet/naughty children.

so, in the name of good old fashioned "proof", here is my life right now.
and i can either love it or be whiney and complainy....


warm water

purple rainbow sherbet and fancy nails

i am the public restroom QUEEN.
i swear i probably visit an average of 5 a day.
i hate it.
and then i just have to decide to take picture instead of whine.

strawberry watermelon lemonade (its slushy! and makes AMAZING popsicles)

a morning date.
what a treat.

freckles
freckles
freckles

a lunch date!
wow!
another treat!

i am just starting to like baking with my kids.

i wish i was the mom that has always just loved throwing handfuls of flour around with her kids.

the idea of being that laid back really does appeal to me.

but I'm just not.

i like to do tidy projects that get cleaned up right away.

judge me if you must.

but my kids are finally getting old enough that baking cookies isn't an all day, from start to clean up, project... and i love that!

this is one of my new favorite photos.
the rule at our house is that you MUST have braids at the beach ( if you have long hair) otherwise i won't take you.
believe it or not the sand comes right out.
it's the tangles that make me want to run away to paris by myself.

i seriously LOVE taking black and white photos of my first born.
he is so perfectly contrasty.
( can you see me in his aviators?)

i liked this ring that ella picked out.
but she lost it in one day.
surprise!

my favorite coffee shop also has a few very yummy flavors of ice-cream.
dreamy.

what?

reed kid huddles are very good.
it means they are not fighting.

every tuesday and thursday, after karate, we drive by doho to check the waves....

its a "reedo" thing.

obsessed with blueberries.

guess what!?!?!
i got new carpet.
it is so so so special.

do you remember my old carpet?
gag.

i memorized this this week.

i said it to myself as i filled out this paperwork at my yearly check up.

we are in charge of my dad's two dozen little lady chickens this week.
and ella loves them already.
they aren't laying eggs yet, but we were practicing...

i'm thinking this summer is gonna have a sprinkle theme.
so i had to get little jars for all the different kinds, right?
right.

the new carpet came with a new vacuum.

maybe we need one of these in the backyard for when they have been naughty?

this ride was a favorite at legoland.
we went to celebrate ty's birthday.

my first born got 3rd place in his sparring competition today.
i am very proud.
but.
iam also exhausted, since my second born was in his same division and did not place.
that took some serious counseling.
can you believe that they even had to spar each other!?
it was pretty awful.
next time i am going to split them up, even if i have to lie about age.
it was just too much.
i felt like crying the whole time.
and Ty DID cry the whole time.
barf.
YAH JAKE!!!

at least we have this happy moment to look back on!
legoland water park!
( ty's faces kill me)

this is the only chicken that actually returned ella's love

and this is the kind of pointless projects that i sometimes realize i just spent an hour on...
i'm pretty sure that there is no nor hula in this hoop.
but it's super cute.

and finally, the kids and i decided that this red wall and the cute little spot by the mission is our summer hang out.

summer's here in a few more weeks.

we can not wait.