some ideas over {vitual coffee}

hi.
i have wanted to join your virtual coffee time for quite a while.
but there are a few reasons that i didn't.
1. i don't love being the new girl.
2. whenever i meet up with people i don't have a close relationship with, yet(and even some that i do), i often feel i dominate conversations with chatter.....so basically insecurity. i wish i was a better, more relaxed listener.
3. i don't like coffee.
4. the drink that i used to drink instead of coffee, is not normally even available in a coffee shop.
5. i wanted to loose those last 10 pounds before i met new friends....
.....ok ok, so it is revealed. these are all just dumb excuses.

so, i am trashing all those dumb excuses.
because some  of them are solved.(ex: for #3 and #4, i drink tea now(not diet coke), so i can go to coffee shops with purpose.)
and because some of them are just ridiculous. (ex: #1 and #5)
and because some of them i want to overcome (ex: #2)

so, if we were really having coffee/tea today, i tell you that Ella and i are loving having our mornings back, just me and ella.
she is really so much more relaxed.
i say these same words every time we are deprived of our alone time, and the words get more and more true each time.
i love our time together.
that being said....sometimes it feels like i haven't been alone in like....seven years.
there is a growing part of me that craves a few hours everyday to not have to be in charge of someone else's body.
this isn't a new feeling, it is just bubbling bigger and bigger, each day, and as time goes by and there is no reprieve to this season of ALWAYS having a small body attached to me somehow, it grows and waits.
sometimes i feel like it's gonna explode and sometimes i forget about it all together.....
so is that too deep for a "first coffee date"? 
wince.

um, anyway, i would also tell you that i got a rad new grill from my husbands parents for christmas(there that's a more mild subject...ha!)
it is tiny and made for indoors.
and it cooked steaks for reedo and i  in 4 minutes last night!
then i cooked some zucchini in 4 more!
fast huh?

 then if we were really having coffee, i'd show you this picture of me and my kids on new years....

ouch.
look at those eyes.
i mean i like the picture,because i loved being with those guys on new years,
but i can really see the sickness in my eyes....i was still wrestling that cold,big time.
that makes me so thankful to be feeling better.

then, i'd probably try again to dig into deeper issues.
mention that my ideas for discipline and parenting are being challenged lately.
my boys are getting bigger.
they are changing.
i have really been trying to establish a normal (non-angry) routine for when my sons mis-behave, instead of always feeling like i am flying by the seat of my pants and managing their need for rules and boundaries.
this is hard.
i have a lot of fears.
mostly my fears are of making mistakes and being unfair.
fear of whether or not my father in heaven is looking at me with pity and disappointment or with pride.
i am working on examining myself....but many times i feel like a broken lady trying to lead 3 needy babies....
i want more for them, you know?
there are plenty of truths that are meant to comfort and encourage me in these fears, but right now i am just learning to feel my feelings and maybe even label them, before i can accept grace and healing for them.

there is a process happening here.

so, at this point, you are thinking one of two things:

1. whoa, this lady is kinda much for me.

or

2. yes, i am totally tracking with you, you talkative, yet honest, little lady!

so i may just push you over the edge of your limits, by telling you about this!

my dad and his wife gave me this for christmas.

and YES! it is a laser hair removal system for me to use at home!

crazy, huh?

i just tried it for the first time this morning.

ha ha!

it was weird, but it didn't hurt too bad or anything....i'll let you know if it works.

ok ok I guess i should go, but first i would mention that i got a new lens for christmas too and i am dreaming of a mommy morning, no kids, for us to get dressed all warm, with beanies and boots and fingerless gloves(of course) and use our new lenses together.

isn't that a good wish.

and for now it is just that.

a wish.

thanks for hanging out.

see you next week?

yah ok.

next tuesday.

bye.

(air kisses?)

no. that's dumb.

(high five?)

agh.

i am so awkward.

(big smile.)

that's better.

ok bye.

**********************************************************

to see Amy's side of virtual coffee

click here

and join up!

i'd love to have a friend join with me!

much easier, in my opinion.

plus Amy's blog is so great!

you will love her photos and her honest outlook.

refreshing!