valentine's giving....i'm in!

i was writing a comment on another blog the other day and that thing happened where my comment got longer and longer until i realized that i needed to do a post on my own blog instead of drowning this nice blogger girl with all my words....
you know?
has this happened to you?
if not, don't tell me.
let's just let me go on thinking this is a perfectly normal occurance.

the question she was asking,
(and that i was carrying on about)
was "what is your best valentine's day?"

so here i go....

i think good, happy valentine's days started for me about three years ago.
i mean, i remember celebrating as a kid...that is a good memory.
but, once i wasn't a kid anymore, i was always working at the flower shop.
i think i have mentioned before that before i was a mommy, i was a floral designer.
well, that just made me hate valentine's day.
i was always stressed and sweaty.

i didn't love watching everyone scramble after the predictable valentine's gift.
i started shunning valentine's day with the excuse that it put too much pressure on guys.
but what i was really doing was protecting myself from being let down.
if i had no expectations on valentine's day i wouldn't have to feel unwanted and unseen.

i pretty much stuck with that whole deal for a long time.
then, three years ago, i remember Leslie (my favorite red-head) encouraging me to make a special family dinner.
that is what her family had done and then she had made the tradition her own.
that's when it started.
i started taking charge of what kind of LOVE valentine's day was celebrating.
LOVE.
i love LOVE!
i have a TON of love!
why not celebrate that?
so i wiped my mind all clean and started fresh.
i started letting my kids help decide what to have for dinner
mac and cheese one year, chicken pot pies the next and this year...homemade heart shaped pizzas!
i took on getting a special valentine gift for each of my sons (last year was spiderman sheets!)
and gave reedo the task of getting one for his babygirl (i think he got her a special dress)
we made it about our family's love.

i love valentine's day now.
reedo may be into a celebration with just us, or not.
but i am celebrating the way i love my family.
and that's enough.
i stop thinking so much about being unseen and start remembering that someone see's my every effort and every hope.
that's where my love comes from.
and when i let it, that real love flows right through me and into reedo and my boys and my sweet girl.
as long as i don't get in the way.

so, with that idea in mind, i decided to do leslie's advent of love this month.
in earlier years, i have not wanted to offer that to our family since i didn't want to set myself up for disappointment...
but this year i am gonna take one more step in this journey away from shielding myself from hurt and toward concentrating on how i can be the one to give the love....you know, give.

here it is.
a little envelope for each person on each of the 14 days.
i may not get one note.
but, as you as my witness, i WILL NOT CARE ABOUT THAT.
i will concentrate on writing my own.
i will open my eyes wider to see the reasons i really love my family.
i will give them my love.
i will.

i am linking up with life made lovely mondays today
click over and check out the loveliness....
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