live rejoicing!

i just ran downstairs to tell you something.
i need to tell you before it slips away like many other ideas and thoughts that i think i should tell you and then forget or don't have time...
even now, ty is interrupting me......

(oh, ok.  just the classic case of somersault into the wall....
hug. kiss.
back to saturday morning legos.)

i just have to report that the grey cloud that seemed to loom over my head yesterday is gone.
i have been wondering about it though.
wondering why.
i feel like maybe the reason it seemed a bit extreme is that maybe God allowed me to feel some  of the shame and a guilt and burden for myself, that i am usually free from.
it really actually opened my eyes to the thought that i could feel that cloud all the time.
if i wasn't free, i might.
if i didn't have grace washing over me everyday....
i think i might feel that sick pit in my stomach all the time!?

so i had a day of mourning, yesterday.
today, i woke up and put on a yellow cardigan.
i started my eggs a-boilin'.
i started the laundry.
and i found my normal self.

i realize i walk around this world very very free.
grace follows me and swallows me up.
although the sick execution that happened all those years ago is no less horrifying today, i would be disrespecting it if i didn't walk around with a swing in my step and lightness in my heart.
he took the burden.
it's already done.
God looks at me and sees perfection.
to mope and plod around under guilt and shame is actually quite rude and ungrateful.
it's like having someone open the door for you and you slam it closed and open it again and go through. or having someone pull out your chair for you to sit down and you shove it back in and do it yourself.
yikes.
so today i am living with the understanding that jesus death not only makes it possible for me to live in child-like joy with Him and my children and loved ones all though eternity.
but it also frees me here in our temporary home.
guilt and shame and fear have no place with me.
that has been dealt with.

my rescuer and i stand so close together that when God glances at me, He sees one.

{sigh}

Jesus made it possible for me to live rejoicing, every day!