oh hey
so it's time to get real.
i am beat.
this whole "moving my family to hawaii and also learning to educate them at the same time" thing is very very hard.
i mean it.
i've never done anything like it.
there are OF COURSE beautiful things about it.
that's the way i survive.
and i'm sure the word "survive" even seems dramatic.
but that's how it feels, at times.
the way i take my life in and interpret it has become a bit wrapped up in my way of taking little still lives of the gifts sent my way.
even when it's as simple as a loaf of bread.
or tuning a guitar
we've had some good days.
we live in a beautiful place.
and those two things don't necessarily relate to each other.
we have had some pretty bad days in this beautiful place, too.
and i trust that if you or i lived in a place that we hated, god (in his mercy) could send us beauty anyway.
it's really sorta a funny deal.
to be sent to a place that a majority of people would think was a dreamy vacation.
and then feel like we're almost supposed to live a vacation to enjoy it.
but.
we're not on vacation.
my husband has to pass the waves as he goes into his office and i have to try and remember how to do long division in front of my skeptical nine year old even though all the kids would rather be a the beach across the street.
there are so many things i need to do.
register my car
figure out where to grocery shop
find a home
do the dishes
and keep my kids from killing each other
put together christmas presents
it's just pretty crazy
so much to be grateful for and at the same time i can barely manage it.
but life goes on.
ella is becoming quite the singer and she will. not. stop.
we've had a couple recesses at the beach
yes, that's pretty great.
ella tried out the hula
the kids and i are messily figuring out how to get anything done when everyone has so many questions.
and i need to be able to do my jobs too.
we had a good weekend of exploring waikiki
despite the very high and excited expectations.
you know what i mean, right?
(there was just a very intense build up for that experience and it's probably a miracle that we survived)
today we are working extra hard so we can feel good about taking a trip to the zoo tomorrow.
and i am praying that i can just stay positive.
i am trying so hard
and i am also disciplining myself to extend myself grace.
these sweet pictures are what i want to remember and my way of acknowledging the gifts and beauty all around me, in spite of the incredible amount of work that it all is.
thanks for your encouragement.
i really need that right now.
that and a full time maid or servant or something.
I think you're pretty awesome! Moving has got to be the most stressful thing ever, next to losing a loved one. I'm pretty sure it's on that list of most stressful events a person can have in their life. And you did it! With three kids in tow, no less. Give yourself some credit :) You're doing great! <3
ReplyDeleteOh my heart goes out to you because I can so relate. We lived on an island in the Indian Ocean for a year and it took me a long time to adjust. There were many, many hard days before I came to a place of joy. It is hard to process such a huge life change and still figure out what you are going to cook for dinner. Not to mention being away from everyone and every place you know and love. There is a huge expectation that you are living an adventure and that you have to enjoy this amazing slice of paradise every moment you are living it. I had many friends that would say, "Poor you...living at the beach" and that made me doubt myself so much in those moments. The reality is, it is just tough to move so far in your heart, mind, body and soul. But as you well know, God is so good. Take heart that He is close and in a process with you right now. He will grow you and strengthen you so much through this. You will be forever changed and so grateful for the strengthening. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. It will work out. These are just the kinks working out.
ReplyDeletewell, i don't think "survive" sounds dramatic at all... but maybe i can be a little dramatic myself at times, just a little ; ) i amazed that you have already started homeschooling, Shauna, seriously. i think i would be wollering around crying and staring at un-packed boxes still. no lie. hang in there and give yourself a break... you will figure it all out in time.
ReplyDeleteps- most days i can barely manage my own life. and let's not forget, i only have to kids, that are in school and we live near our families. did i just make you feel REALLY good about yourself or what?!?!?
You're doing great, just keep telling yourself that. We've had some pretty big moves and I can safely say it took me 6 months to adjust each time. One foot in front of the other and a lot of time in prayer and reading the Psalms. That's my 2 cents, hope I haven't over stepped.
ReplyDeleteOh and the zoo there, it's a good one.
I came across your blog in the beginning of the year and also live on Oahu. I understand how overwhelming it can be to move and homeschool. You should look into Hawaii Technology Academy. It could help with your "schooling". After the zoo, check out Teddy's Bigger Burgers which is right across the street. Live Aloha and enjoy what the islands have to offer.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amy - I'd be staring at unpacked boxes and crying, too. Extending grace to ourselves is really difficult. YOU CAN DO IT! ;)
ReplyDeleteI've never made a big move as an adult but I do home school my kids so I know that in & of itself is a hard change to make. I'm sure you're doing great! My one bit of encouragement for the school part of it is, remember you're not the public school system (which, for the record, I have no problem with. I actually love the school our boys went to). You're their mom, their first & best teacher. You know what they need. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteI never post here but read your blog everyday. Beautiful. Do you know Kasey Buick? She moved from the mainland and now lives on Kauai. She's pretty awesome. Maybe you can hook up with her somehow and chat. Just trying to help. :)
ReplyDeleteHow refreshing to read a blog so honest! To look at the photos we could easily think that you lived a perfect and idyllic life, but the real world is so different to the 'blog world' we often peep in to, thanks for the reminder. God is gracious, but He is also real. He will meet you where you are..but you already know that!
ReplyDeletePut some great music on, shake your booty & remember you're doing a helluva job!!
ReplyDeleteoh hey.
ReplyDeletei lose my mind on a regular basis home schooling and i didn't just move.
like i can't even do the laundry(need.clean.underwear, oh. socks, too) and lunch is a lot of times a carrot and crackers.
i think you are brave.
i think you are extremely motivated to even start school before being settled in.
i know this will pass, and things will fall into place(maybe slowly, but you'll get there).
and i know that we all support you and think you are totally rad and beyond capable.
He'll get you through.
xoxo
survival is a beautiful...wonderful accomplishment! do not poo poo yourself...you have out done yourself by rising and moving through this day! change sucks. it's hard. awful hard. i will pray for a new "normal" for you and your crew...that and a cute cabana boy to come do your dishes and sweep your floors!!!!
ReplyDeleteit is so beautiful there,
ReplyDeleteso so pretty!
I didn't want to move to upper Michigan this past summer,
but the only thing that got me through was being near the beach.
now we are facing ANOTHER move very soon and part of me wants to
and part of me just doesn't WANT to do it again. but I have to...it SUCKS>
hugs!
tara
i kept thinking through the whole post.... GRACE.
ReplyDeletepour it on yourself.
grace grace grace.
it's not going to flow easily from the start.
you are doing amazing already... number one...you said YES. you said SEND ME anywhere and you went.
and it's ALL different in every way. that would be hard on anyone anywhere.
you have to just say "today i am enough." no matter what gets done until your days are more a routine and you feel yourself.
your kids are not going to become unsmart in that time.
or kill each other.
or hate you.
it will come... the JOY of bonding together in a new place... it takes lots of time and love.
GRACE on you mama.
wish i could come and help you out.
When it all gets overwhelming and you are feeling homesick, take yourselves to Pinky's in Kailua, it's the closest thing to Ruby's Diner you'll find in Hawaii ;) Also try the Dixie Grill on Kam Highway (near Aloha Stadium) for a taste of the mainland. That is unless you are loving the spam, pork, and katsu. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst time commenter! :) I totally get what you are saying about beautiful locations + challenges! When friends from "home" go on and on about how life could not be perfect in SW Florida, all I can think about is how hubby and I have found it to be one of the most challenging places to live, minister, and parent (he's the minister, I'm the mother) ;) Touristy locations, I think, tend to be like that. I am praying that God would raise up a few like-minded friends, a new church home, some folks who can encourage you. Have you heard of CBS (Community Bible Study) or BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)? These non-denom. ministries are located all OVER the world and have seriously been a lifeline to me in our moves. They offer awesome programs for the kids while momma is filling herself up with the Word and fellowship. In fact the one we belong to now has a class for homeschoolers! God bless you and your precious family, Shauna!
ReplyDeletei'm sure real life in a vacation spot could be challenging. i'm trying to imagine it...while it rains for the third day straight and the sun hasn't shone in a week...trying;) moving IS hard. allow yourself to just hate it for awhile. i know i did...sometimes i still do. you are building back a new normal every day that you live in this new place. it will come. be patient... love your pics too friend. such a cool vintage look to them...hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh my friend, can I call you that?
ReplyDeleteHome schooling in paradise can still feel like home schooling in....well, you know what I mean.
It's hard work no matter the circumstances.
I was home schooled.
I've wanted to home school my kids my whole life.
And yet, this is the single hardest thing I have ever done.
It is also the most rewarding.
But there are times when I can only see the hard.
Anyway, you're starting all over in every way possible.
If it were me, I'd take the month, or 3, off school and just get used to the new digs.
You are amazing for jumping right in.
Way to go, lady!
I don't know if it will be of any help at all, but here's a little piece I wrote recently about those kind of days.
Stay with it--it's not just "home schooling is so rad" nor is it "home schooling totally stinks".
It's just the real deal about it all for me.
Here ya go: http://lillyandthebrothers.blogspot.com/2012/12/on-freedom-home-schooling-fresh-starts.html
WIshing you a wonderful tomorrow.
Love from,
Greta
you got this girl! and HE has you.
ReplyDeleteooohhhhh...i love sarahs idea of CBS or BSF!!! and they have childcare!!! :)
ReplyDelete