This is my mom.
Sunday will be my 7th mother's day without my mother to celebrate with.
It will also be my 7th mother's day AS a mother.
I have said it before and I will say it EVERY mother's day to come-
God has given me many women to fill that loss at different times-Gracie, Val, Bea, Leslie, Lois, Lena, Tasha, Trish, Celeste, Robin, Cindy, Penny(mom:), Aunt Shevawn, Aunt Bonnie, Katherine, Heather, Lisa, Gini, Erin, Marsha, I could go on and on with women that have blessed my life, in small and large ways, in my mom's stead.
Would I have been open to it and noticed it if she was here?
Not sure.
But my life is what God needs it to be to get my attention and constantly be turning my wayward heart back to Him.
Him who IS that love and kindness and mercy and loyalty and grace that mom gave me.
I miss my mom, Cynthia Maria Ramsey Laxson, but I think what I miss most about her is the way her mothering taught me about God. Her love wasn't perfect, but all the times it was good and beautiful and selfless and right were the times she allowed God's perfect love to flow right through that body and soul of hers and into her girl. I really get that now.
I wish I could have 3 minutes with her on Mother's day to look her right in the eye
and say,
"ok, i get it, now. being a mother.the consuming joy. the breathless pain. i see you. thank you."
that's it.
the rest can wait for eternity....well I guess it all can, but i am just sayin' that's what i wish....
a friend recently asked if it is hard for me to see friends with mothers that are still alive.
it's not.
it is hard for me to see people take those relationships for granted or even abuse those relationships. that's hard for me.
so this mother's day, give your mom a hug for me and be thankful that you are both alive.
And I will be thankful that I am alive and I have my children and that I have you.
Happy Mother's Day!
enjoy my playlist that is a sampling of my mom's favorite Paul Simon tunes.
my fav is the "call me Al" one that has Chevy Chase in the video- check that out!
i'm gunna wear momma's paul simon shirt tomorrow. i packed it specifically for the drive to you. you are such a beautiful lady. such a loving sister. such a selfless momma to your sweet babies. when i think of the kind of momma i wanna be, i think of mom. and i think of you. can't wait to kiss you and hug you (for too long) in 24 hours.
ReplyDeleteShauna, your mother knew that you would understand it all one day. She was so confident that she had done her job and that God, and your kids, would teach you the rest. She would be so very proud of you and the job you are doing in raising her precious grandchildren. And she'd absolutely LOVE your blog! Hugs and happy Mother's Day, Lisa Carden
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