be still. (it's harder than it sounds)

lately, i've been having this feeling of waiting.
i am not sure for what.
it just seems like there is a new season right around the corner.

for the last eight years i feel like i have been running and running and just trying to keep up with babies and toddlers and tiny needy children.
children that need me to carry them and wipe them up and wash them off and read things to them and tell them what to do and physically move their bodies out of harms way.
that is what my job has been and that has created a routine of busy-ness.
in between those mommy jobs, i've thrown in the activities that express the part of me that is not a only a mommy.
sewing, photographing, creating, blogging, reading, thinking, praying(in my own way), caring for myself.
and all these things, in their right place, have done me such good.
i am a woman of waves.
i will go through a phase of sewing and sewing and just having to get that out of my system.
and i will go though a phase of blogging every day and it will feel like therapy to my soul.
and i will go through a wave of reading and read 5 books in a month and it will help my mind to rest (yes that is what reading does for me).

and now, i feel like i'm waiting.
like there is something new coming.
i feel like this year might bring me a new understanding of worship.
and while i am starting to wrap my mind around the idea that
all the things listed above ARE worship (when i have an attitude of humility and service to the Lord, in them) i feel like I may be on the edge of growing even more in this area.

there are always lots of things that i could just jump into.
ministries, groups, studies, projects, ideas....
but i just know that i need to slow down and space things out.
teach myself how to not have to do 75 things at once (like you HAVE to do when you have tiny children).
remember how to have a conversation with eye contact.
re-teach myself how to prioritize tasks and make a reasonable plan for my day with out the crazy juggling of sippy cups and diapers.

i know that sounds wierd.
shouldn't things become easier and simpler?
but it's really just a new rhythm that needs to be learned.
often, well-meaning mommy's of older kids will warn you that "it just gets busier and more stressful with more activities and homework" and while that may be true( in a way), i also don't like the idea that my family will be flying out of control as if we don't make choices everyday about what to do with ourselves.
i want to remember to slow down and take note that we can choose what we will do with ourselves.
and choosing one thing means not choosing another.

there are things we can't choose.
loosing a loved one or a job or a home or maybe even a relationship.
and those sorrows will come.
how else will God call you to himself and show you that you need saving?
so, for me, i need to ration out the sanity.
i need to save the dramatic juggling and surviving for those days.
and today obey by lil' sister's tattoo and be still.
it's harder than it sounds, people.

"i will wait on the lord...i will hope in him.


here am i and the children the lord has given me!"


{isaiah 8:17-18}