mommy's head is going to explode in paradise

we said goodbye
and it was very very hard
we'd lived in our house since my first born was around 9 months old.
i had lived within a 30 mile radius for all of my humble 33 years.
it was way harder than i thought to leave.
i mean i never considered NOT going, i just didn't consider how physically and emotional straining it would be to leave.

when everything was out of our house, i was reminded of his mercy with this little sign.
a random copy of this old song that my sister, val, had sung the solo for in high school.
i remember just closing my eyes in happiness when she'd perform it and really just love singing the back up vocals while she sang her heart out.

and then we just had to leave and not go back.
we went to some of our favorite hangouts.

i sat for a while and felt a little sorry for my own personal loss of familiarity.
yes, i realize that God has something better, but i just allowed myself to feel sad.

hotels are a fun and fancy distraction.

then we flew away!
i didn't take many pictures.
i was seriously pretty stressed.
and my tension was really growing.
it's hard to describe.

we had something like 16 bags??
plus boosters.

and by the time we got here, i am telling you, i felt horrible.
i'm just being honest.
it was really really hard.
my head felt like it would explode.
everything was beautiful, but i felt sick!

it's taken a few days to calm down.
everything is unfamiliar.
i am completely un practiced in that.
i have no skills so i am like a little baby.
but today reedo went to work and the kids and i put all of our stuff away in our cute little beach house that we will be in until we find a permanent home.
our cars were delivered...

i hung a banner.

i helped the kids journal about their first sights in hawaii.

life goes on right?
i guess right.

and ella will keep singing full voice, even when we all ask beg her to stop with the barbie songs...



  1. So happy to see that you are there safely. Even if it's still hard. I am sorry it's hard to be somewhere where you don't know anything familiar. I remember (sorta) that feeling when we moved away from the OC. Miss u already!

  2. I can't even imagine... I bet it's hard... but He is leading you on the right path. Keep your chin up! I always tell my husband that by the time I get familiar with all of OC, we'll end up moving away. Life is a journey and we've gotta smile and just take it one step at a time! xo

  3. What an amazing adventure for you beautiful family!!! I can only imagine how anxiety filled it must be to go from your everyday routine to learning a complete new one. But I am envious of this chapter for your family, you only get one life and you are living it to the fullest!!

  4. The next part of your story! And you're sharing it with all of us. Thank you friend.
    Praying for you all!

  5. Oh Shauna I can feel your pain just like it's my own. I know exactly how this feels. It's so overwhelmingly emotional and your world is completely upside down. Nothing is familiar. Just don't expect it to stop...this crazy feeling for awhile. Comparison will zap your joy. That was my worst mistake when we moved here. Eventually it will be home. It's weird when the shift happens, but it does. Praying for you.

  6. i absolutely loved this! thank you for sharing your moving experience with such honesty. i know how you feel for it is the story of my life. it takes time but it will feel like home one day. after all home is where our family is right? and Hawaii? it could be much worse haha. good luck mama! congrats on a new chapter!

  7. Aww Sis:) its nice to get to read about what you're going through. You're a strong woman, mom would be amazed. Not just proud, AMAZED! so glad that you're not so far from comfort with instagram, blogs, Facebook, and good old fashioned phone calls:) I'm always here for you! Praying!
    Love you sister.

  8. praying for you, friend.
    it's gotta be hard.

  9. I just felt all of what you were saying! Change can be rewarding but OH so scary! I pray you and your sweet fam will start to find that new rhythm that God has already written for you:) Best<3

  10. No doubt this is heart wrenchingly all kinds of sad/scary and at the same time it is beautiful and lovely. You're awesome. Praying for you and your family.

  11. I know that you don't know me, Shauna, but I've been blog stalking you for a while now. :) I love the way you write and I really appreciate your perspective and the beauty that you create in your world. --- I had a similar experience of moving only a year and a half ago. I remember before we moved, I was so worried about my kids - how they would handle moving from the only home they'd ever really known. Then we got here and I realized that moving was FAR harder on ME than it was on my kids - or even my husband for that matter. I am a HomeMaker and I ACHED for Home. I still do, to some extent. But at the same time, I've been able to see the Lord's hand in our lives here and although the past year+ has been perhaps the hardest of my life, I've also come to see that it is one of the sweetest as well. Good luck with all the transition -- it can be so lonely -- but I'm sure that you will come through it beautifully.

  12. You are bold, brave and beautiful and will get there. You have such a precious family and faith! xoxo

  13. yay!! i'm so glad you arrived safely. ella looks like she was born to be an island girl. :-)

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  15. My heart is literally in my throat as I read your words because I am only a year and a half from this experience moving across the nation and I can taste those raw emotions still... but.... a year and a half later and I know of God's faithfulness to our obedience and how fun and strong my little family of 5 is in an adventure and that yucky taste feeling is a memory, not today's reality. :) One day at a time, one box at a time.

  16. sounds exactly like what i would do....stress.
    and then hide.
    i would want everyone to go away so i could be alone in my crankiness.
    unfamiliar makes me do that.
    but you are going to do just great out there.
    i am sure of it!
    time is your friend.

  17. I appreciate your honestly so much, Shauna. I think other people would feel like they have to button everything up
    and tie a bow on top just to act like everything's fine. I feel like I'd have all these same emotions. and that's okay. you might not feel like it, but you're brave and strong and I admire you so.

  18. Change can hurt so bad. And don't even get me going on the unfamiliarity part. I think that this will take time. Hang in there. And like you said in a recent post, technology is a wonderful thing-it will help you stay feeling "connected" even though you're in a different place now. Imagine this move 20 years ago... Praying for all of you as you face this huge adjustment.

  19. shauna, love your words. so familiar to me.
    praying for you in this transition!
    three years ago, my husband lost his job, and we found out our landlord had been gambled our rent money...hello foreclosure. so.
    turns out, within two weeks, we moved 1528 miles away to north dakota(i wish hawaii!;)) and it's been terribly hard.
    until recently.
    we are beginning to see a glimpse of what god has in store for our growth through this move. unbelievable grace has covered us, and strength has increased! anyway, i am not trying to write a book here...
    just, i don't really know you, but i love ya and am lifting you up!

    hang on. so much beauty is ahead!
    xo jeremiah 31:3

    1. and sorry for bad grammar/spelling haha! THIS is why i never comment on my phone;)