prone to wander....

"prone to wander, Lord, i feel it.
prone to leave the God i love."

i can't put my finger on it, i just don't feel great about my deal right now.
i'm probably not giving enough of my heart and soul to what matters.
but, honestly, i'm not really trying to change that either.

there is so much going on.
good stuff.
things that mean something to me and the ones i love.
but, even the good stuff can get in the way.
i know i need to be giving over every minute and every anxiety and every choice to my God,
but i don't.
i keep some.
as if He should do things my way.

i want times to be mellow and uncommitted.
it feels like i do better job of surrendering my stuff during those times.
but those are the times there isn't as much stuff....nice.
what does that tell you?
i guess i have a hard time surrendering stuff?

this week is gonna be a beast.

{i really love this picture}

i'm telling you all this so that you know that i will try to do my best to see the activities that are on my plate through God's eyes, but i doubt i'll do very well unless there is supernatural intervention.
when i post again, it will be with grace for my own ability to humiliate myself by holding so tightly to my life, or with reports that God intervened in my ridiculousness.

i'm sure i will survive either way.
activity after activity.
commitment after commitment.

in a few weeks it will be summer for the kids and we'll have nothing going on.
maybe then i will have my thoughts cleared enough to realize where the actual turning point is from following to wondering.
until then, i'm like a little lamb, knowing who to follow, but not quite sure if i see him right over that horizon....

peace out.



  1. LOVE the shot of you with all the kids.....that is awesome.
    you should frame it.
    for real.

    i hear you about your thoughts.....
    searching for JOY is a hard journey sometimes.

  2. I totally get it.
    I have a hard time surrendering too...but at least you are at a place where you know...and you are aware.

    I love the pix of y'all in the car too :)

  3. thank you for your honesty - it is so refreshing. I think it is all too easy to feel we have to have it all together. You aren't alone in the art of surrendering. It s a daily, hourly, every minute kinda journey x I'm new to following you but I love hearing your heart all the same :)

  4. i know how you feel...mind runnin' a mile a minute, but it's too hard to give it all over. so true. so girl-like. why don't guys stuggle with this stuff :) i just got some good scriptures on trusting that really helped me. try isaiah 26:3-4. it's a goodie.

  5. I think we all feel like this at times. (And by the way, I'm not Caleb, I'm Caleb's wife ;)

  6. Thank you for this post. I had a really hard weekend and needed to hear this! My husband travels a lot and when he's gone I tend to try to hold it all together in my own strength instead of surrendering each moment to the Lord and you can imagine how that turns out. I was feeling pretty discouraged about my job as mommy and wife, but after reading this had a good time of prayer and felt better about the week ahead. Thanks for being so real and open and loving God so much!

  7. i totally get it! the last few weeks of school are always rough. you'll make it through. remember that the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. i'm sure you feel better writing out your thoughts for all to see, it's a great way to humble yourself.
    good luck this week!

  8. you are like a breath of fresh air !! i just love reading and looking at all of your posts and pics !!

  9. love this post. and your pics are amazing, especially the last one! love.

  10. i'm sorry.. did you write this, or did i?

    saying a little prayer for both of us right now :-)

  11. I am right there with you! My kids finish school today and I'm praying I take this new relaxed schedule and give it over to Him. Re-evaluate things, learn something, grow closer to Him. Keep lookin upward girl!

  12. i hear ya, sister. hope things are settling down for you a little, it can all just be overwhelming sometimes, huh? i LOVE that picture of you and the kids, so cute!

  13. as soon as I saw the title, I started singing that song.
    what a reminder.

    im with ya, girl.